From Peer to Boss: Managing Tough Relationship Shifts in the Workplace
By Kristin Hodgkinson, Lois Hines, and Wendy R. Weidenbaum
Often when asked about my current role, I’m asked to rank it in terms of the “work happiness trifecta.” If this is new to you, the trifecta refers to:
1. Are you happy with the money you’re making?
2. Do you feel you’re being developed and are you passionate about the work you’re doing?
3. Do you like the people you work with? Your manager?
If you’re able to say yes to two of three, you’re in pretty good shape.
Now, while the argument could be made that numbers 1 and 2 of the trifecta are somewhat in your control, who manages you and who you work with almost always isn’t. So, when you find yourself in a job where you like your coworkers, that’s a position you’d like to hold on to.
A team that works well together often operates like a well-oiled machine. You can depend on your peers for support and to get the job done. Yet, what happens when the hard work and effort you put into your team singles you out for a promotion?
Read on to learn how to seamlessly transition into a leadership role.
Set Expectations
Soon after you receive a promotion, your first priority should be to “set the reset button” with your peers you’ll now be managing. As awkward as it may make you feel, you must address the shift from being on the same level to now being in charge.
Before you meet with your team, think about their reactions to the news. Who will be happy? Who will be jealous and question why you’re more deserving than s/he is? While you have every right to be proud of your achievements, be sure to carefully select your words and be aware of how you want to come across non-verbally while delivering them.
After you’ve thought through how you’ll inform your team, get your team together, both virtually and in real-time, and let them know you’re now their new manager. Let them know that while you’re excited to dive into this role, you’re also open to any feedback or insights they may have. By being transparent and opening up the lines of communication, you’ll pave the way for a smooth transition for your team, and you’ll avoid creating feelings of resentment.
Follow up Individually
After you’ve taken the time to address the team as a whole, be sure to follow up with members individually. In order for you to lead successfully, you’ll need to have the trust and buy-in of those you are managing. Ease them into the transition by opening up a dialogue. Ask them how they like to be managed, discuss strategies, and find out what they’ve liked and haven’t liked when working with previous managers.
You’ll have to decide whether you plan on continuing friendships within your team, or if you’ll shift to “just being the boss”. Keep in mind if you continue to be a friend, you could be accused of favoritism, so you’ll need to determine if that’s worth more than the shift in your relationship.
One solution to consider is using your knowledge from your friendships to find out how to support their career paths. When asked about her experience with having peers promoted to managers, Rhiann, a marketing professional, said, “I would say the biggest change is having discussions about my career and getting feedback. Definitely different hearing that from a former friend.” While it is true that you may need to embrace this change in relationship from being a friend to now being a boss, you can use insights you gained from your friendship to provide more impactful support to those you now manage. Just be sure to be transparent and address the fact that while you may no longer be able to maintain the friendships you previously had, you still want to play a role in their future success.
Use Your ‘Insider’ Knowledge
A common complaint that employees can have about upper management is that they are disconnected from the day-to-day and therefore are unable to manage effectively.
However, you have the advantage of recently working at the same level of the team you are managing. Leverage your existing relationships as well as your knowledge of each individual’s strengths and weaknesses to empower your employees and create an environment of success.
A shift from working at the same level as peers to managing them can be a tricky path to navigate. Earning the respect of your team can be challenging, and if you don’t take the time to lay the appropriate groundwork, they may never see you as an authority, resulting in lack of buy-in and feelings of resentment. By setting expectations, taking the time to meet with them individually, and leaning into your established relationships and expertise, you’ll be on your way to effective leadership.