Living with “Imposter Syndrome” – a Chronic Sense of Fraudulence and Self-Doubt? Here’s How to Overcome an “Imposter Moment” and Avoid an “Imposter Life”
By Marina Mainescu, Wendy R. Weidenbaum, and Lois Hines
When the idea of writing an article about imposter syndrome came up, everyone on the Weidenbaum Development team was immediately on board. We all felt a personal connection to the topic, recognizing that despite years of career success, we still sometimes struggled with the feeling of being an imposter. We considered the learnings that had come from our personal struggles against imposter syndrome, as well as the knowledge and suggestions that might have helped us manage our imposter syndrome earlier in our careers, and decided to write a comprehensive article that could help others dealing with the same feelings.
By now, most people have heard the term “imposter syndrome,” however, for those who haven’t, imposter syndrome refers to a persistent, internal feeling of inadequacy and fraudulence that overrides any external evidence of success and competence.[1] It is a form of chronic self-doubt that leaves many high-achieving people feeling like they are an “imposter” in their educational or work environment and fearing that they will, at any moment, expose themselves as less capable than those around them believe them to be.
In other words, those who suffer from imposter syndrome live in persistent fear of being “found out,” and feel that they need to hide their own perceived inadequacies. The experience of “hiding” one’s inadequacies makes imposter syndrome feel singular, personal, isolating – something that seems to affect you and no one else.
For the Weidenbaum Development team, imposter syndrome has often manifested as a hesitation to speak up in meetings, a fear of taking on stretch opportunities, a reluctance to own our expertise, and a tendency to minimize our accomplishments and lead with our areas for development instead. And, imposter syndrome has often made us feel that we were the only ones dealing with such feelings – that those around us seemed to be gliding right along, completely unburdened by any of the pesky feelings of self-doubt we had always experienced.
However, a quick online search for “imposter syndrome” returns dozens of articles, clinical and psychological writings, Ted talks, and other self-help resources catering to readers across industries and demographics. The immediate impression you get in looking over all this content is that imposter syndrome is normal, even common, affecting many if not most people.
This is in fact the case. Psychological research has showed that approximately 70% of people experience imposter syndrome at some point in their lives.[2] This means that imposter syndrome affects both women and men – and that it affects most of the people around you, even those that seem perfectly confident and poised.
With this statistic, those of us suffering from imposter syndrome can breathe a sigh of relief. We are not actually alone. Indeed, recognizing that imposter syndrome is a pervasive and well-documented psychological phenomenon affecting a majority of people is a great first step towards lessening its power. Imposter syndrome is a creation of your own mind – and the minds of many others. This simple fact has helped us tremendously, and we hope it will help you too.
What are some additional steps that you can take in order to separate yourself from your feelings of imposterism?
To answer this question, we thought about our own experience with imposter syndrome, and the things that have helped us over the years. We also researched proven strategies for dealing with imposter syndrome. Many online articles offered suggestions. In fact, there were seemingly endless lists of suggestions for how to deal with imposter syndrome.
Reading these lists, it struck us that, based on our own experience, some suggestions were more practical than others. We also felt that some applied more readily to an acute experience of imposterism that is tied to a specific moment or task, while others were better employed as longer-term strategies for keeping imposter syndrome at bay.
Below, we summarize the suggestions that have seemed to us the most practical, adding a few of our own, and draw a distinction between those that – to borrow terminology from imposter syndrome expert Valerie Young – can be helpful in an imposter “moment” versus those that will help you avoid an imposter “life.”[2]
In an imposter moment:
An imposter moment is a moment that evokes acute feelings of imposterism. Imposter moments are often tied to specific situations or tasks and can prevent you from moving forward or taking action. Indeed, in an imposter moment, you often feel overwhelmed and even paralyzed by fear or doubt around whether you will be able to participate in a discussion or complete a task successfully. Imposter moments cloud your thinking and make it difficult for you to do anything at all. They give you a “deer in headlights” feeling.
Below are a few strategies that you can use to push past an imposter moment or lessen its impact on your ability to think and act.
1. Acknowledge that you are having an imposter moment, yet don’t let your imposter feelings hijack your thinking; acknowledge these feelings, accept them, and then let them pass
If, when presented with a specific situation or task, you begin to feel like an imposter, make sure to recognize what’s actually happening. Acknowledge that you are experiencing feelings of fraudulence and inadequacy because of your imposter syndrome. Identify your feelings and name their source. This is important for two reasons:
First, when you understand your feelings, you can exercise greater control over how they impact you and prevent an emotional hijacking. Second, recognizing that you are experiencing imposterism allows you to attribute your feelings of inadequacy to something other than your actual abilities. It gives you an alternate explanation for feelings of self-doubt, so that you don’t internalize them or assume they are the result of your actual incompetence.
As many articles on imposter syndrome state, imposter feelings are simply feelings – they are not facts. Imposterism is not a reflection of reality – it is psychological. Recognizing this can help you drive a wedge between yourself and your imposter feelings and give you some degree of immediate relief in an imposter moment.
Once you have identified your imposter feelings and their source, let these feelings simply pass you by. Don’t dwell on your feelings of imposterism or fall into other negative patterns of thinking. In the tradition of mindfulness, acknowledge and accept your feelings of imposterism, and then let them pass like clouds in the sky. Indeed, it may be helpful to actually visualize any feelings of self-doubt as dark clouds that are simply passing through the foreground of your mind – behind which there are many good and capable thoughts.
This type of visualization can help to remind you that your imposter feelings do not define your capabilities. Acknowledge and accept such feelings, and yet don’t ruminate on them. Let them go and refocus on the task at hand.
2. Reframe the situation or task as an opportunity for you to help someone else
When a specific situation or task prompts feelings of imposterism, consider whether it’s possible to reframe whatever you’ve been asked to do as an opportunity to help someone else. In our experience, helping others can be a very powerful motivator when it comes to overcoming feelings of fraudulence and self-doubt. It always feels easier to step out of your comfort zone when someone really needs your help.
Indeed, the idea that someone might actually need your contribution can serve as a pretty strong counterbalance to feelings of imposterism. Using the framing that someone “needs” your help can shift your view of your own usefulness and of the role that is being played by that other person. They are no longer an expert looking to poke holes in your work; instead, they are a collaborator to whom any progress you make can be helpful.
This is a very powerful paradigm shift that can quickly take you out of the imposter headspace and motivate you to rise to the challenge presented by your imposterism.
3. Just start somewhere or say something; even if you don’t have a complete or perfect answer, get started, put a stake in the ground, and then feel comfortable asking for help
Imposter moments can feel overwhelming and make it hard to take action.
In fact, a common reaction to imposter feelings is procrastination, or more generally, avoidance. Fearing that you won’t be able to execute a task to the standard that is expected of you, or that your attempt to do so will reveal your shortcomings, you put off starting. Afraid that you don’t have a perfect response, or that you haven’t considered all information, you prefer to say nothing.
Instead of falling victim to your avoidance behaviors, simply start somewhere or say something. Start with what you know and build the rest of your approach or response from there.
It is very unlikely that you’ll ever face an imposter moment where you know absolutely nothing – neither the answer, nor the steps required to get to the answer, nor how to figure out what those steps are.
And, in many cases, you’ll have something useful to say even if it doesn’t perfectly or wholly address the situation at hand. For example, consider whether you have any specific strengths or areas of expertise that you can apply to the situation. If so, lead with those.
In other words, take whatever you know for certain, and start with that. If you don’t know the answer, or even all the steps it will take to get to the answer, speak up about what you do know, even if it is just how you will figure out those steps or whom you will ask for help. Or, say something else that is useful that showcases your other strengths and expertise.
Sometimes, simply getting started can help lessen your feelings of imposterism and unfreeze your mind to be able to think through the things that you do not yet have an answer to.
Once you have put a stake in the ground, you’ll also likely feel more comfortable admitting your own limitations or asking for help. If you suffer from imposter syndrome, you may have a hard time admitting when you don’t know something because you think that others expect you to know everything. However, this type of admission becomes a lot easier when you can demonstrate that you’ve already done some independent thinking and made some progress, or that you have other strengths that you bring to the table.
So start somewhere, say something – and then allow your bona fide effort at getting started and adding value to give you enough confidence to ask for help in getting things over the finish line.
4. Visualize the path to success – including the gaps and how you will bridge them
Similar to what we suggested in number three above, when presented with a situation or task that elicits feelings of imposterism, take a step back and visualize what success would look like.
Many articles that discuss imposter syndrome suggest visualizing success as a tool that has helped professional athletes and military recruits, and that can help you counteract feelings of imposterism.
While we agree that visualizing success can be helpful, we will take this suggestion one step further and advise that you visualize both a successful outcome as well as the entire process that you would take to achieve success. And it’s okay if you don’t initially feel capable of taking things from start to finish – simply imagine that into the process.
Visualize the steps you would take to get to a successful outcome as if you have full ownership over the situation, and there is no rubric by which you are being judged. How would you solve the problem if it were entirely up to you to decide? Imagine the steps you would take and the gaps in your knowledge. How would you fill those gaps? Whom would you ask for help? Where would you find information you don’t already have?
This type of more detailed, process-oriented visualization will help you feel more comfortable with your initial feelings of imposterism by turning the unknown – in this case, how to get to a successful outcome – into a known process that is action- and solution-oriented. Build your imposterism into the process.
5. Practice a healthy response to any outcome; don’t dwell on an imperfect outcome or perceived failure – be kind with yourself
In an acute moment of imposterism, one of the most important things to do is to practice kindness and forgiveness with yourself, regardless of the outcome. When you experience an imposter moment, remind yourself that the outcome can sometimes be less important than simply pushing through your feelings of fraudulence and inadequacy in that moment. See each imposter moment as an opportunity to demonstrate to yourself that you can push through your imposter syndrome, even if you don’t always achieve a perfect outcome.
For example, if a client presentation or internal meeting induced feelings of imposterism, don’t dwell too long on the specific things you said, or on what you would have said if you had given a “perfect” performance. While it’s okay and even helpful to assess your performance honestly and identify general areas for improvement, keep any constructive criticism in healthy balance with a celebration of what you were able to accomplish. Don’t set the bar at perfection – aim to simply do a “good enough” job, and then let that specific experience go.
To avoid an imposter life:
An imposter life is one in which you experience frequent imposter moments – and have an ongoing fear of fraudulence and inadequacy. Below, we suggest a few strategies for chipping away at these fears over time. These are longer-term strategies that you can use outside of the actual imposter moment to change your self-schemas over a longer period of time.
1. Talk about your imposter syndrome with trusted friends or coworkers in order to normalize the feelings and bring down the perceived stakes
As mentioned, imposter syndrome can feel solitary and isolating, as those who experience it often feel that they need to “hide” their imposter feelings from those around them. This can make it hard to keep imposter syndrome in perspective. Those with imposter syndrome only hear one voice – the voice of their imposter.
Instead of hiding, consider talking about imposter syndrome with trusted friends. Since 70% of people experience imposter syndrome at some point in their lives, most likely, at least a few of your friends will have also dealt with imposter feelings. Talking to them about your experience can help to reassure you that what you’re feeling is normal and give you useful examples of how others have dealt with imposter syndrome and, most importantly, managed to succeed despite it.
To this point, it may also be helpful to discuss your imposter syndrome with your coworkers or manager. However, before doing this, make sure to assess whether they would be supportive. Not everyone is – and it is important to identify those who are before you decide to share.
If your coworkers and manager are likely to be supportive, go ahead and talk to them. Doing so can serve two purposes.
First, it can make having imposter syndrome feel normal in the specific environment where it affects you – at work. And, your manager and coworkers may share stories of their own experiences dealing with imposter syndrome that will be directly applicable to your experience, and make you feel that others at work have been in your position before – that you are in fact not an outlier or imposter.
Second, sharing that you struggle with imposter syndrome with those whom you feel are assessing you (like your manager) can serve to lower the stakes of your interactions with them by preempting their judgment and setting their expectations appropriately. This can make you feel more comfortable in stretching for new opportunities around them, while also helping them understand that you may need additional support or encouragement along the way.
If neither of these options feel comfortable or effective, consider talking to a professional. An executive or career coach can draw upon his or her extensive experience helping other professionals through similar challenges to offer perspective and advice. A psychologist may be able to help you get to the root of your imposter feelings, so that you can figure out how to address them at their source.
2. Reframe your thinking on failure to focus instead on growth and learning
Winston Churchill is often quoted as having said that “success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."[3]
The power of this quote lies in the way it reframes the idea of failure. Failure, according to Churchill, is not an impediment to success, not antithetical to a successful outcome – it is simply a stop along the way, a part of the process.
We can take this one step further and say that failure is something that is actually expected as one stretches towards success. Indeed, making a mistake, or not knowing how to do something, is normal. Initial failure is especially normal as you gather information and attempt to approach a problem. Failing simply means that you have more to learn.
Reframing failure in this way may seem silly yet it is actually very powerful. Imposter syndrome makes you feel that “failing” at something will expose your fraudulence to those around you. To those with imposter syndrome, failure is a referendum on their intelligence or abilities. Yet this is not so. A mistake is just a mistake. A failure says nothing about your potential or what you are capable of under different circumstances.
Indeed, failure is normal, even for non-imposters like Winston Churchill. Failure can, in some ways, be counted as a marker of progress towards success. It means you have tried something, have learned something, have identified an opportunity for development. It is a catalyst for growth and learning – an opportunity to get better at something.
If you deal with imposterism, tell anyone who sees you “fail” that you are still learning. Most importantly, tell yourself. Allow failure to be a part of the process.
3. Fight against negativity bias by regularly reviewing your strengths and achievements
Human psychology is more sensitive to negative events than it is to positive events, which means that negative events imprint more strongly – and are more likely to be front of mind. This is called negativity bias.[4]
This means that everyone is more likely to remember or dwell on a failure than they are a success. People with imposter syndrome thus have to fight both negativity bias and their feelings of imposterism when they think about themselves and their abilities. And one can exacerbate the other.
For this reason, if you deal with imposter syndrome, it can be helpful to regularly remind yourself of your strengths and achievements. Many articles on imposter syndrome suggest making a “brag” list of your accomplishments or keeping a “brag” folder in your e-mail with things you’ve done well and received positive feedback on. Make a brag list or folder – and then read it regularly, even every day.
This may seem contrived yet is in fact a very helpful (and even necessary) way to fight both imposter syndrome and our natural bias towards remembering negative events over positive ones. Indeed, it is recommended even for those who don’t experience feelings of imposterism.
To fight against negativity bias, you need to bring positive events to the forefront of your mind, so that they can serve as a counterbalance to the negative events that you are just simply more likely to remember. And for this to work, you have to do it frequently – because you have to combat many years of negativity bias that have fundamentally impacted the way you think.
So create a repository of positivity – and use it to rewrite your neural processes.
4. Identify the behaviors that have contributed to your success to prove to yourself that you have earned this success
Another big problem for those who deal with imposter syndrome is attribution. Those suffering from imposter syndrome struggle to internalize their successes – or, in other words, they fail to see their own role in these successes and instead attribute them to outside circumstances: luck, the help of others, someone else’s mistake.
If you struggle to attribute your success to your own efforts and abilities, take a closer look at the things you’ve accomplished and, more importantly, at how you’ve accomplished them.
In particular, think about whether there are any specific behaviors that have helped along the way. For example, how do you tackle a new problem or task? Is there a process you tend to follow? What are your “go-to” moves? These can be things like doing research into a topic upfront, listening closely to others along the way, working cross-functionally whenever possible, taking notes, or always reviewing your work carefully. There are any number of behaviors that you likely practice without noticing, and in particular, without giving yourself credit.
Begin to notice these behaviors. Identify the process you use. Once you recognize that there is a process, a set of tangible behaviors that you employ whenever you’re faced with a new problem or task, you will be forced to recognize that you have earned your successes. There is a method to your own madness, and the common denominator across your successes is you.
5. Look at others to identify their successful behaviors, and realize that you too can adopt those behaviors
Along those same lines, look at the professionals you admire and identify the processes they use. While some people’s successes may initially seem effortless, if you take a closer look, you will likely be able to identify at least a few behaviors that contribute to these successes. Few people can rely on innate ability alone – most of us have to practice discipline and hard work.
Study the people around you. What successful behaviors do they practice on a consistent basis? Do they keep conversations on track, synthesize information effectively, or help the team focus on next steps? Which behaviors make them effective and add value to the team? And are any of these behaviors learnable?
As you do this, try not to focus too much on their accomplishments, or compare yourself directly to them. When you deal with imposter syndrome, it may seem to you that successful people are categorically different from you. You are the imposter, and they are not. Yet many people who appear successful have likely struggled at one point or another – even if this is not immediately visible to you. Rather than focusing on what they’ve achieved and comparing yourself directly to them, focus instead on how they’ve achieved these things – try to learn from their process.
Once you begin to examine other people’s successes in this way, and in particular, to identify the processes behind these successes, you will realize that success is most often the result of a set of successful behaviors, many of which can be learned.
Breaking success down in this way can make it feel much more accessible to you – by showing you that learned behaviors are what separate you from those you admire, not imposterism.
6. Break bad cycles of perfectionism and over-preparation
According to the American Psychological Association, people with imposter syndrome will often “go through contortions” in order to do a project perfectly and hide their imposterism.[5]
Indeed, imposter syndrome is often associated with perfectionism, and one way that some people deal with imposter syndrome is by practicing constant over-preparation. In doing so, these people ensure that they always succeed and in turn feel that their successful outcomes indicate that they are managing their imposter syndrome effectively.
Unfortunately, this is not the case. By practicing such contortions, those suffering from imposter syndrome only perpetuate its control of their thoughts and behaviors. They begin to feel as though they have to over-prepare in order to be successful, and never give themselves the opportunity to see that they can take things a little easier and still reach a similar outcome. In other words, their way of dealing with their imposterism becomes a sort of “superstition” that only perpetuates and magnifies their imposter feelings.
Those suffering from imposter syndrome should try to dismantle such superstitions over time. When given the opportunity to over-prepare, don’t. Or, at least, prepare less than you might have previously. For example, give 80% instead of 100%. Spend just an hour preparing for a big meeting instead of your usual two or three. Give yourself the opportunity to improvise every now and then and see whether the world comes crashing down (spoiler alert: it won’t).
Another way to do this is to simply prioritize where you devote your time and energy. Identify the aspects of your career or life that matter the most to you, and give 100% to those. Then, with everything else, allow yourself imperfection. Make a conscious decision to let go of some things, while continuing to prioritize excellence in others. Recognize that you can’t give 100% to everything all the time. Prepare thoroughly for the things that matter most to you, and in other aspects of your life, try winging it (or at least improvising more than you might otherwise).
Of course, make these changes incrementally, comfortably. It’s important to set yourself up for success as you begin to walk back some of your contortion behavior. After all, the point is to demonstrate to yourself that you don’t need the coping mechanisms you have developed to deal with imposterism. These behaviors only enable your imposter feelings. Break the cycle.
7. Practice mentorship to demonstrate your own expertise to yourself
A final way to help loosen imposter syndrome’s grip on your thoughts over time is to practice mentorship. As we’ve written before, serving as a mentor can remind you of your own successes by showing you how far you’ve come and how valuable your advice can be to someone trying to follow in your footsteps.
Indeed, mentor relationships give you the opportunity to review your experiences – successes and failures – through someone else’s eyes. As a mentor, you have to arrange these experiences, and their associated learnings, into a coherent, and most importantly, balanced narrative that can help your mentees as they strive to achieve what you have achieved. In doing so, you get to take a more objective and less imposterism-driven perspective on your own career trajectory and realize how much progress you’ve made.
Of course, besides helping you put things into perspective, mentorship is simply the right thing to do – and helping others can automatically put you in a better headspace if you’ve been feeling down on yourself or your abilities. So practice mentorship whenever possible!
As you work through imposter moments, and work to prevent having these moments define your entire life, make sure to keep in mind just how many people have also dealt with imposter syndrome. All of us at Weidenbaum Development have – and most likely, so have most of the people that you work with.
Keep in mind the percentage of people who have experienced imposter syndrome at some point in their lives – 70% – and then think about how many of those people have gone on to succeed anyway. Imposter syndrome is so prevalent that even the most successful people must experience it.
If you don’t believe this, go ahead and watch Amy Cuddy’s famous Ted Talk on body language. In the video, Cuddy describes her own feelings of imposterism, and how she didn’t realize that she had “overcome” imposter syndrome until a student’s own imposter feelings put into perspective how far Cuddy herself had come. She was a Harvard Business School professor at the time! This just shows again that imposter syndrome isn’t a reflection of reality – it’s psychological.
The key takeaway here is that experiencing imposter syndrome is definitely not mutually exclusive with success. You can feel like an imposter and still be a success. Imposter syndrome lives in many successful people. In fact, it may be your success that feeds your imposterism – as previous success can sometimes make you feel like you need to always meet a certain standard of excellence that others will hold you to.
You don’t. And they won’t. David Foster Wallace wrote in Infinite Jest, “'You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do.” In other words, other people are unlikely to hold you to the same standard that you hold yourself to. They will rarely think twice about anything you said or did, and if they do, they won’t judge it as harshly as you do.
So allow imposter syndrome to exist inside you without allowing it to control you. Acknowledge its presence and work to lessen its power. Turn the volume down on the imposter’s voice – and give your own voice a megaphone.
Sources:
[1] https://hbr.org/2008/05/overcoming-imposter-syndrome
[2] https://time.com/5312483/how-to-deal-with-impostor-syndrome/
[3] https://www.inc.com/melanie-curtin/in-just-12-words-winston-churchill-gives-us-a-definition-of-success-that-could-outlast-them-all.html
[4] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200306/our-brains-negative-bias